My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friendships

You can now pre-order My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Losing and Leaving Friends from Amazon until the release date of September 15, 2014!

Have you ever lost a friend? Was that loss in some ways more painful than the end of a love affair?

In our first collection of stories of friendship by female writers, The HerStories Project: Women Explore the Joy, Pain, and Power, we included a section on friendship loss. The response to that part of the book has fascinated us.

Stephanie and I found that we couldn’t stop thinking about this aspect of friendship: Why is it so painful for a friendship to end and why is it so hard for women to talk about? Again and again, other women — friends, readers, relatives, acquaintances —  have told us stories of their own friendship breakups and dissolutions.  In their stories, we heard their pain, their shame, their confusion, and their continued sense of deep loss.

When we put out a call for submissions for a book about friendship loss and asked women to complete a friendship breakup survey late this winter, we were overwhelmed by the response.  We read hundreds of women’s stories about friendships that ended. In some of their stories, there may have been a reconciliation later in time; usually there wasn’t. Maybe the ending of that bond brought enormous pain or maybe its conclusion brought great relief. While these women’s stories had common themes, we quickly realized that each story, each relationship was unique.

It was a difficult task selecting only a small fraction of these stories for our book. But we hope that we’ve chosen stories that are representative of common themes and universal emotions while also allowing you to reflect upon the nature and meaning of female friendship. My-Other-Ex-final-3

My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Losing and Leaving Friends will be released in September. Sign up for updates below about the book, special discounts, and news about the growing HerStories Project community!

25 comments

  1. Vicky says:

    Oh I can’t wait to see where you take this… You ladies have done a beautiful job sharing the highs and lows as well as the deep bonds that come with friendships. It is truly a topic worth discussing, celebrating and supporting one another about. Thank you for pouring your hearts into this!
    Vicky

  2. Missy says:

    Can’t wait to read this. I have struggled with maintaining friendships beyond the married with kids stage for years. Friendships in this day in age with all of the available social media have become very superficial and pale in comparison to the real and meaningful friendships I had in my younger years when people actually made an effort to invest time in each others lives face to face rather than screen to screen.

  3. I’ve pre-ordered. Having a story myself, I know this compilation will be a poignant and sometimes painful read. But these are the experiences that add to all we are. Embrace the hurt, find a lesson, then stick and move. Life must go on!

  4. Heidi Sloss says:

    Was thinking of this subject over the past several months, specifically thinking about the heartbreak of the endings of some of my relationships with women I never thought i would/could live without. Interested to see what you all have put together. will it be available electronically?

  5. I just now read about these two incredible books! I wish I would’ve known about the call outs for them. Do you plan to publish more?? I’ll definitely buy this, as I, too, have one in particular girlfriend break up story. (My choice) I felt like I got a divorce, and although it was a few years ago, I still miss her…even though the friendship was toxic. Thanks for putting all this together for us!

  6. Krisie Lee says:

    My book comes in the mail tomorrow and it couldn’t be at a more perfect time as I have just ended a very long friendship (over 25 years however she says 36 years) with my best friend. Unfortunately, my friend decided to just bash my character in the end and all I could do was take the high road and respond with integrity. I have made mistakes at the end but own those mistakes and take with that lessons learned. I will grow and become a much better person because of it. I always thought you needed one really good friend to confide in but now I am agreeing with the all here in saying as we get older it is better to have several friends who we can share ourselves differently with each and not rely on that one person. The past is in the past and I must let it go.

  7. Rebecca says:

    I was wondering if you plan on continuing a series of you recent book my other ex?

    I will be 41 this year and I have gone through 29 months of a bitter divorce that was finalized 9/11/14

    Once my divorce was finalized I decided to not only free myself from my sociopath husband , I also broke up with my ex step sister whom I’ve known since I was 12 and my best friend I had since I was 18 and our sons have grown up since my son was born and are just over a year apart.

    Both were casualties of my divorce because after years of support and togetherness I was abandoned by both when my nine year marriage came to an abrupt end when my husband moved out of our home while I was hospitalized for a breakdown I had caused by him. He admitted to cheating in court records during our marriage and he had impregnated a girl.

    I am a good and suffering friend who happens to be diagnosed with disassociative identity disorder. I have always been their for them when ever I was called and dropped everything for both of them but was never treated as I treated them.

    My best friend Casey whom I have been bestest friends since we were 12 and have two matching friendship tattoos. She recommended your book to me to help me with the guilt I feel for finally standing up for myself and took control over how I allow people to treat me.

    If you do please keep me in mind to share my story

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